Thursday, May 28, 2009

Leaving Rocks Behind

Wow. I just had a God moment. I know that I am supposed to write about it here. Let me begin by describing my state of mind the past few days. Basically, I have been pouting. I have not been pleasant to be around. I have been feeling sorry for myself. And my focus has not been on my journey, but on things of this world- distractions. I have been distracted by the situation I am in as a wife of a competitive Texas high school band director. All those around me say I should be mad and angry, but now I know that focusing on this situation is not what I should be doing. I should be praying and keeping my eye on what God wants me to focus on.

As I was just about to sit at the sewing machine and complete yet another task I have volunteered for, I started to pray. I began to tell God I didn't like these feelings of anger and self pity. And immediately, he reminded me that I had not read my meditation today. So, reluctantly, I got up and came to the computer and looked at today's meditation from Word Among Us. The Gospel reading is from John 17.

I started reading John 17 the other day and I was very moved. I am not sure if I have ever read this chapter before. It was like I was reading it for the first time. While reading it, I could see Jesus knelt in prayer and I could hear His voice. This is such an intimate moment Jesus shares with His Father. I almost felt like I was spying on Him. And as I listened, I became very humbled. In this intimate moment, Jesus was praying for you and me. The words coming out of His mouth were about you and me. He called us a gift to Him. Imagine, you and me a gift to Jesus. I have always considered Jesus a gift to us. He went on to describe His love for us and His desires for us. He prayed for us to be one with Him and the Father. He loved us so much that He wanted us in His heavenly family. The love He felt for you and me is just overwhelming. This prayer took place the day before He was crucified. He knew that He would be leaving. He wasn't afraid of leaving this world- He was looking forward to joining His Father. But, you could tell that He was concerned about leaving us. He wanted to see each and everyone of us again- to be one with Him in His family in heaven. And as He continued His prayer, He put us in the hands of His Father. We were all that He worked for on this earth. And He put all that he worked for, all that He loved, all that He nurtured in the hands of His father. This is amazing trust.

So, my God moment happened as I read the end of the meditation. The WAU author says that Jesus is praying for us to be unified. He wants us to be one. The love of Christ unites all Christians. Then the author went on to say that we should pray together. Even if we are of other denominations, we should pray together. Jesus will be with us in this prayer. And praying together with people of other traditions will help us to be more loving and caring to one another. This is when I had my moment and my answer.

I have been wondering if I had really reached forgiveness. Have I really taken the rock out of my back pack? And the answer is yes. But the interesting part is, I have been unpacking the rock for a while and didn't even know it. You see, I worked at a bible church this past school year. And I have prayed with these wonderful colleagues and friends all year long. And they are not Catholic. God put me in a place where I would have to pray with a community so much like the community that rejected me all those years ago. And in that time, I was unpacking my backpack. Through that prayer, I was becoming more loving and more caring. The wall that was thrown up all those years ago was crumbling down. Praying with these women allowed me to experience the divine love I needed in order to forgive the community that cast me aside. And through that forgiveness, I have been able to find the community where God wants me to grow, love and serve. My rock is gone. Thanks be to God!!!

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