Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Breath of the Holy Spirit

When at the tender age of 5, I walked down the aisle of that tiny baptist church and announced to the pastor I wanted to be saved and I wanted Jesus in my heart, I know at that moment the Holy Spirit took hold of me. I breathed in the Holy Spirit on that day. I began my life long journey to seek God and find His purpose for me. My choices were no longer mine. My plans were no longer relevant. My life was not my own to guide. I knew this growing up. I tried to deny this when I thought I was all grown up but God showed me otherwise. He has a hold on my life and He is not letting go.

The Holy Spirit guided me through out high school. When my baptist church wanted to judge the hearts of those outside of its walls, it was the Holy Spirit that led me to question. At the age of 18, after some turmoil with friends and adults in my baptist church, it was the Holy Spirit that told me to get up and leave- literally get up in the middle of service and leave. So I got up and walked out of the church that I had known since childhood. It was the Holy Spirit that put friends in my life of the catholic faith at that moment in time. At the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I walked into a Catholic Church where I found the presence of God overpowering.

It was the Holy Spirit that gave me the strength to tell my very Baptist family that I was going to be Catholic. I was going to join a church that the Baptist faith considered misguided and lost. I was leaving the faith they worked so hard to instill in me and going to be part of a faith they considered contrary to the word of God. It was the Holy Spirit that gave me the confidence to tell them that the Catholic Church was where God wanted me to be.

It was the Holy Spirit that calmed me down and worked everything out when I got pregnant a little too early in life. It was the Holy Spirit that guided my young family to move to Texas. And I came here kicking and screaming at the Holy Spirit, but He still loved me anyway. He even game me confirmation after confirmation that Texas is where He wanted us to be by providing jobs, a house we could afford, and a place to stay while we were in transition. He even gave us another sign that we were supposed to move when a tornado hit our house in Slidell almost one year to the date of when we sold it.

The Holy Spirit has been at work the whole time we have lived here. Most recently, He was with me the night I unexpectedly delivered my son Ben at 32 weeks in a hospital in San Antonio. Even though he was 8 weeks early and we were so far from home, I was at peace that everything would work out. That peace can only come from God. Now, Ben is a very healthy, smart and active two-year old. You would never know that he was premature. Then, when life got really stressful in my fifth year as a middle school band director in Texas, it was the Holy Spirit that told me to quit my job and God will provide. And He has provided. Miracles happen every month that help us get by.

As I look back on all this, I am astounded at the blessings I have had on my road of life. I am so very thankful for the family God has given me, the friends who enter my life at just the right moment, and the faith community that I am growing with. I can now see that the Holy Spirit has always been at work in my life. I wish I had chosen to stay close to God during all this time. I discovered that traveling on this road was not easy, especially when I was trying to do it my way. And in that discovery, I became sad. Happiness was gone and I felt alone. I could have avoided it if I had chosen to stay close to the One who had chosen this road for me.

I am surrendering more and more to the Holy Spirit as I travel along. And with each new step of trust, I am blessed with miracle after miracle. As I look ahead, His light gets brighter and brighter and His voice gets louder and louder. What a wonderful road God has chosen for me. I can't imagine traveling anywhere else.

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