Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Praying and Dancing

In CRHP tonight, we discussed prayer. We shared about prayer and about how we were touched by prayer in key moments in our lives. The one question that really stuck out to me was, "When has God really touched you through prayer?" I don't think it was quite worded that way in the meeting, but the responses that ensued definitely begged this question. As we shared, my mind wandered to one defining moment in my walk with God. It was one of those moments where you wish you could make it last forever. It was magical. It is a moment I will cherish for the rest of my days.

After college was over and we went through the trauma of having a baby just three months after we were married, I was not walking closely with God. Before these moments, I did. Afterwards, not so much. I was angry. I worked so hard in college (3 jobs plus 20 plus hours of course work each semester) and it wasn't fair that I got pregnant right at the end of it all and I had to rearrange all the wedding plans while I was student teaching and pregnant to top it all off. Oh, and I was giving my senior recital at the same time. It was STRESSFUL and I didn't respond well to the pressure. I was 22 and I had everything already planned in my life and I was mad that it was not going according to plan. And it all got blamed on God. I was not a happy camper. And when I am mad at someone, I quit talking to that person. And that is what I did with God. I tried to take full control of my life since he was making such a mess of it. I no longer trusted that he knew what to do. What my older and wiser self knows now is that I was to proud to see that my own sin is how I got into the mess. Anyhow, the point is I quit talking. And I thought I took control of my life.

Well, what I learned was that I can never really have full control over my life. I kept learning that lesson over and over as the years passed. And I finally came to a point when I was so unhappy that something had to be different. There was an imbalance that I had to fix. And, deep down, I knew exactly what it was. God was waiting for me to soften. His patience is extraordinary while he was waiting for me to come to the end of my rope.

In my search for something at the end of my rope, I decided to go to a lecture at my church. I wish I can remember the name of the man who was speaking, but it escapes me. He was a great speaker and I was hoping to take something away from his words. It was the very last thing he said that struck my heart. As soon as he said it, I could feel what was missing. The ice melted and I knew what I yearned for at that moment. He began by telling us this story of himself in high school. He was at a dance and he wanted to ask a girl he admired to dance with him, but he was too shy. In the end, she asked him to dance. He spoke of how excited he was to dance with her- how much it meant to him that she asked him to dance with her. He felt honored and loved and ecstatic all at the same time. And then, before he walked off the stage, he said, "And that is what Jesus is asking you tonight. Will you dance with him?"

As soon as I got home that night, I got on my knees and admitted my fault. The moment I uttered my apology, the vision began. All of a sudden, I was in Christ's arms looking up in his face and we were twirling around the dance floor. I could feel the love and joy coming from his being. The happiness on his face was amazing. And when I would begin to apologize again, he would stop me and say, "Don't worry, you are forgiven. I am so happy to dance with you." And we danced and we danced and we danced. He held me, and loved me, and danced with me. I fell asleep dancing with him that night. It was incredible. The memory in my mind is so vivid. It's like it happened yesterday. What a wonderful night it was, indeed.

This may all sound a little crazy. But I will take being a little crazy over being hopelessly lost and unhappy any day. And, oh how I love to dance.

1 comment:

Trisha said...

That is a beautiful story Lori! Thank you for sharing, Trisha