Saturday, August 29, 2009

Friends

Something came out of my mouth recently that I know I didn't come up with on my own. I said, "I have friends that I talk to and then I have friends that I am there for." After it was spoken, I started to think. I have way more friends that I am there for than I talk to. I would say that I have one friend that I talk to and the rest that I am there for. And I wish it could be different. But I know that I would have to change for that to take place and I haven't a clue where to start.

Being that I am a Navy brat, I think that I have learned that people are not going to be there for me. I went to 9 different schools over 12 years. I have a lot of friends all over the country and not many that I would call and talk to about my life. It's not because I wouldn't like to share with them. We are just not close anymore. They left my life and we all moved on. And now that I am in one place, I am not sure how to do this friend thing. I seem to hold everyone at a distance- waiting for them to leave. I am there for them to talk to or ask a favor of, but beyond that, there isn't much else to hope for. I know that I don't like to make myself vulnerable or to rely on others and I am sure this is a big stumbling block to building friendships. I have recently become aware that if I decline someones offer of help, then I am robbing them of the joy of giving. So, I am trying to be accepting of offered help. But it is hard. I just don't know how else to be but I do know that I would like the joy of friendship in my life so I guess I have to be different. Or become a nun. But Gerry wouldn't like that so much, I think. I'm not quite sure why I am blogging about this but so I am so here it is.

4 comments:

debily said...

I am much the same way for different reasons. I was hurt so deeply as a teenager and young adult by others that although I'm friendly and can "make friends" easily with most people, I have a hard time going in deep. I tend to keep things pretty much on the surface where it's easy. It's not something I really like about myself but as you said, there it is. :-)

Trisha said...

Lori, Let's get together one night or day this week or next! I would love to hang out and get to know each other better. I am so blessed to have you as a CRHP sister.
Love, Trisha

The Miller Family said...

Debbi- I guess that is why people like us find eachother:)

Trisha- I have been thinking of calling you and seeing if you would go to that catholic book store they were talking about at the last meeting. But, my husband is never home! Which leaves me to run around with the kids to all their stuff. I would love to get together. That would be fun:)

Anonymous said...

I never thought of this before. It has really opened my eyes. Thanks for the blog. Maybe it will help me make friends too.

Love,
Your sister Lisa