Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Mom's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

A hot day in Texas, August, 2003

This day started with good intentions. I was going to take little Gerry around to some pre-schools so that we can get him enrolled. I just got little Gerry potty trained so I was ready to stop at any time and location and beg for the use of the bathroom if he so desired. I had trained myself for this moment. I thought that this would be the most challenging part of my day. I was wrong....

First, a little back ground information. For those of you who are unaware, we are in the process of moving to the Dallas area. Currently, we are staying with my in-laws in Frisco while we are waiting for our house to sell in Slidell. They are very nice people with very nice things in a very expensive and nice house. Some times three-year-olds can be worrisome in such situations but little Gerry (whom we like to call little Niles sometimes) has done well. Monday, Old Gerry (Pops) left for New York on a business trip and Cathy (Grandma) left for New Orleans because she was bored (or I suspect needed a well deserved break from us). So, we are alone in the very nice house with very nice things.

Well, like I said, the day started out with good intentions. I got Gerry ready to go look at schools and I was mentally prepared for the bathroom thing. At 11:00 we left the house. Now, my car is currently loaded up with boxes and stuff for my classroom, which I haven't been able to get into yet- another story. So I made a risky decision. I decided to use my Mother-in-Law's Lexus. I kind of felt like I should call and ask her, but I knew she wouldn't mind. She insisted that I use it to drive and pick her up from the airport and she has loaned it to me in the past. So, we load up and we are off. Of course I am driving carefully in the Lexus when we reach our first destination: the store to get a map. Afterward, Little Gerry decided he was hungry so then we stopped for chicken nuggets. While he was eating, I carefully studied my map. Then we were off again. I took a back road to get to the town I was going to and it was rather bumpy and curvy. As I was turning off of the back road to the main road, Little Gerry informs me that he "hurts". Well, because I am in the bathroom mindset, I immediately assume that he needs to go potty. So I speed off for the nearest gas station. As I am pulling into the lot, he starts vomiting all over the place- yes my son just vomited in my mother-in-law's LEXUS!!!!!!! The Lexus that I borrowed with out her knowledge! But I am a calm person and I can deal with a stressful situation on occasion. I carefully get my vomit-covered son out of the Lexus. Of course, he continues to vomit. So there I am at a gas station parking lot at a busy intersection watching my son vomit all over the place. I am sure that my new neighbors were NOT enjoying the show. Anyway, I am feeling very sorry for him. I know he doesn't feel good and he is covered from head to toe in vomit and this is when I realize that the emergency bag I keep in the car is not in the Lexus. I scrounge around the Lexus and all I could find was a napkin. One little lonely napkin to clean a three-year-old covered from head to toe in vomit and my Mother-in-law's Lexus! I actually thought about going inside the gas station to buy something to clean with, but my son just vomited all over their parking lot and he was going to have to track it into their store in order for me to buy something so I decided that they would definitely kill me. I had mentally prepared myself for begging for the bathroom- not asking for help to clean up my son's vomit. Anyway, I stripped him down to his underwear and put his clothes in the booster seat. I cleaned him up as best as I could with the napkin. I found a plastic bag in the trunk which I placed on the front seat and that is where I put my miserable child and we proceeded on the 30 minute drive back home with the windows down. Just for your information, today's high was 104 degrees. Anyway, I was petrified that I was going to get pulled over or in an accident and my son was not going to be in a booster seat. After thinking about it, I figured that if I were pulled over the officer would immediately let me go due to the smell.

After a long and fragrant drive, we finally get home. First I take him inside and give him a bath. Then I lay him down to see if he will take a nap. I then take a deep breath and go outside to clean up my Mother-in-law's Lexus. Did I mention that it was 104 degrees today? I will spare you the details with the clean up. I'll just say that leather is easier to clean up then carpet and I pray that my Mother-in-law's sense of smell has dulled over the years.

Well, you may think that this is the end of my story. It is not. It seems that when bad things happen to me, they happen over and over..... After all is cleaned up and I am sure the vomit smell is all in my head, my son announces that he is hungry. It has been several hours and he has held down diluted juice so I decide to give him a piece of toast. Well, that went fine. About 20 minutes after the toast, he announces that he has to go to the bathroom. He had just gone to the potty and made pee-pee right before he ate so I immediately assumed that he had to have a bowel movement. So I asked him if he had to go poo-poo. He said no- pee-pee. So he starts to go up the stairs and then immediately comes back down. He give me a strange look and starts to have diarrhea all over the beautiful hard wood floor- just missing the expensive wool oriental rug in the foyer of my in-laws very nice and expensive house. I got on my knees and thanked God for two things: that my in-laws are not home and that he missed the rug.

In conclusion, my son has had two baths today and is now only wearing his underwear out of fear for the unknown. I have cleaned up more in one day then I ever want to clean up again. However, being a Mom and a teacher, I know that it is possible I could have worse things to clean up- but I pray this is it. I just don't understand why it had to happen in my Mother-in-law's Lexus and in the expensive, very nice house. Please don't share this story. I haven't worked out how I am going to tell my Mother-in-law about my terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. With the way my luck is going, it will find its way back to someone in her very large family and they will share it with her. Then I will be homeless. Thank you for letting me vent. I hope your day was better than mine.

P.S. I told her and she laughed. Then I realized that she raised Gerry and Kyle. I am sure she has her own stories.... By the way, I am not homeless.

No comments: