"‘As the Father has sent me, even so I send you.’ And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained’" (John 20:21–23)
I admit it. I am addicted to reconciliation. Not in a million years did I think that I would WANT to utilize this sacrament-especially since I have a fear of trusting anyone in ministry. But, now that I have utilized it, I can't seem to get enough of it.
When I was growing up in the Southern Baptist Church, I was taught that the Catholic's practice of reconciliation was not necessary. I was taught that confession directly to almighty God through prayer is all that is needed for forgiveness of sins. Although my Southern Baptist brothers and sisters are correct in that confession directly to God will forgive their sins, they are overlooking a great gift Jesus gives us in reconciliation.
I wasn't sold on the idea of reconciliation when I first became Catholic. I didn't really understand why I should confess my sins to a perfect stranger. To tell you the truth, I never really thought about my sins. As a Southern Baptist, we weren't taught to focus on what we had done wrong, but to try to move on and live right. God has already forgiven us when we invited Jesus to live in our hearts so there was no need to ask for forgiveness unless you did something really wrong. So, when I became Catholic, the whole thing didn't make sense to me. I hadn't murdered anyone, so why did I need to go to confession? It wasn't until I started studying the bible through the eyes of a Catholic that I understood how Jesus established this great sacrament in order to bring us closer to Him.
In his letter, the Apostle James says that we should confess our sins to one another(James 5:16). This was common practice during Jesus' ministry and the early church. As the church developed, what had begun as a public confession of one's sins turned into a confession to a representative of the community- a Priest. The Priest as the confessor makes perfect sense when you read John 20:21-23(above). Jesus intended for the Priest to hear and forgive the sins of the people, just like He heard and forgave the sins of the people who followed Him during his time on earth.
Throughout the gospels, you can see how Christ experienced all of His humanity. He felt all the human emotions. He knows what it feels like to be happy, sad, angry, hurt, or scared because He felt it as a flesh and blood human. Christ knows how important it is for us to face our emotions so that we can live in His love. Jesus understands that humans need to say it out loud with their own voices to other Christians where they have failed. When we do this, we are forced to put our faults it into words which helps us to understand their impact and to work through our emotions. When we acknowledge our failings, we can begin to heal the damage those choices have made and find peace. Jesus knows that our voices need to say it out loud and our words need to be heard by trusted ears so we can grasp that acknowledgement and deal with our emotions. And our ears especially need to hear a human voice say that God loves us and forgives us. Our spirits need to feel Christ lift those burdens from our shoulders. And this is why He gave us the sacrament of reconciliation.
In the few times I have gone, I have had a great experience. The Priest always says something that blows me away. His words have given me confirmation of something God laid on my heart or direction on something I needed to do. Sometimes the words that spilled out of the Priest's mouth are the same exact words a friend said to me or something I read in a book or an article or the bible that didn’t really make a whole lot of sense until that moment. Every time I go and give a voice my failings and ask for forgiveness from God with the Priest, those obstacles that were between me and God are lifted and the communication I have with God is that much clearer. And the Priest is the catalyst of that communication. It’s a really interesting and amazing experience for this simple girl who stumbled upon the Catholic faith.
I wish I can say that I have been to reconciliation many times, but I haven't. I do have trust issues with people in ministry that I am working to heal. Becoming vulnerable to a Priest is still not easy for me. But now that I have been a few times, I find myself examining my conscience more often. Every time I go, I let a little less time pass between visits. I suppose my mind and my heart are feeling the value of the confession while my spirit is anticipating and craving that next close and unique encounter with our Lord. And every time I have the courage to walk through that door and trust the Priest and ask for God's forgiveness, a little more of the wall is torn down which allows a little more of Christ to live in me.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Old and New Faith
As I enter the New Year, I can't help but reflect upon the past and be hopeful about the future. Lately, my refection has been upon my experience with church. I have thought long and hard about my decision to leave the realm of Protestant life. My humanity questions this decision. Although my family is supportive of my faith, I did severe something when I left my childhood church- the church that raised four generations of God-fearing Protestants, and followed Christ to the Catholic faith. Being that I am right smack in the middle of the Bible belt, I am also surrounded by my Protestant friends who find my path confusing if not troubling. In my weaker moments, when I let my humanity overpower my spirit, I find myself in a lonely place.
I'm not lonely because I left the Protestant faith. I'm sad because my Protestant family and friends do not experience Christ like I do. Because I am a convert, I have done a lot of justifying of my Catholic faith. One reason I believe Christ is in the Eucharist is through John chapter 6. There are many references to the Eucharist throughout the Old Testament and St. Paul also writes about the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist in his many letters. I believe in the authority of the Catholic Church because it was established by Jesus and has endured for 2000 years. I believe in the intersession of Angels and Saints- especially Mary because in his dying breath, Jesus established her as our Mother. She is a beautiful window to Christ. For me, the Catholic faith is a complete package.
But, here is my problem. In all of my justifying, I have become closed minded to other Christian faiths. I have drawn clear boundaries between what is right about the Catholic faith and wrong about other Christian faiths in order to justify my path. In doing so, I have built a wall. I have drawn a line in the sand. I have forced others to choose a side or not play the game. Obviously, this isn't a step towards unity. Christ wants us all to be united under one church. My wall building is not a positive step toward that goal.
I want so much for my Protestant friends to see and experience Christ like I experience Him. I want them to be in a church where scripture makes sense because church doctors and apologetics have been interpreting them for 2000 years. I want them to be in a church where heaven kisses earth every time we gather around the Lord's Table. I want them to experience a mass where the focus isn't on the human delivering the message but the divine coming to humanity. But my wants have built this wall. My past experiences have clouded my ability to reach out to them. My human justification has not allowed Christ to work through me. And although I have worthy desires for my Protestant friends, my humanity is driving them away from the Church.
So, once again, my humanity is getting in the way. I must die to my desires in order to let Christ work in me. I must set aside my justification and allow Christ to use my passion. I have my reasons for embracing the Catholic faith, but I cannot make the people around me share those same reasons. They have to find their own path in order for Christ to light that fire in their hearts. My role is set aside my justification and share the joy Christ has placed in my being. I must let go of the old and embrace the hope in the new.
I'm not lonely because I left the Protestant faith. I'm sad because my Protestant family and friends do not experience Christ like I do. Because I am a convert, I have done a lot of justifying of my Catholic faith. One reason I believe Christ is in the Eucharist is through John chapter 6. There are many references to the Eucharist throughout the Old Testament and St. Paul also writes about the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist in his many letters. I believe in the authority of the Catholic Church because it was established by Jesus and has endured for 2000 years. I believe in the intersession of Angels and Saints- especially Mary because in his dying breath, Jesus established her as our Mother. She is a beautiful window to Christ. For me, the Catholic faith is a complete package.
But, here is my problem. In all of my justifying, I have become closed minded to other Christian faiths. I have drawn clear boundaries between what is right about the Catholic faith and wrong about other Christian faiths in order to justify my path. In doing so, I have built a wall. I have drawn a line in the sand. I have forced others to choose a side or not play the game. Obviously, this isn't a step towards unity. Christ wants us all to be united under one church. My wall building is not a positive step toward that goal.
I want so much for my Protestant friends to see and experience Christ like I experience Him. I want them to be in a church where scripture makes sense because church doctors and apologetics have been interpreting them for 2000 years. I want them to be in a church where heaven kisses earth every time we gather around the Lord's Table. I want them to experience a mass where the focus isn't on the human delivering the message but the divine coming to humanity. But my wants have built this wall. My past experiences have clouded my ability to reach out to them. My human justification has not allowed Christ to work through me. And although I have worthy desires for my Protestant friends, my humanity is driving them away from the Church.
So, once again, my humanity is getting in the way. I must die to my desires in order to let Christ work in me. I must set aside my justification and allow Christ to use my passion. I have my reasons for embracing the Catholic faith, but I cannot make the people around me share those same reasons. They have to find their own path in order for Christ to light that fire in their hearts. My role is set aside my justification and share the joy Christ has placed in my being. I must let go of the old and embrace the hope in the new.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Our Christmas Tree
The gravity of the years hit me when we were decorating the Christmas tree. Decorating the tree is one of my favorite family events of the Christmas season. The kids have a great time looking at all the ornaments and finding each ornament's perfect spot on the tree. My husband always finds his homemade childhood ornaments and puts them on the very front and while he is not looking, I sneak them to the very back. I enjoy putting the first ornaments we got as a couple on the tree. It is a set of 12 German ornaments that German Christians say no tree should be without. To us, the ornaments aren't just decorations. Each one has a special meaning.
When we first got married, we didn't have a lot of meaningful ornaments. So, I went out and bought some decorative ornaments that held little significance so our tree would not look so bare. As we were unpacking the ornaments this year, I noticed that many of those ornaments are gone and replaced with ornaments we have collected over the years. Now most of our ornaments represent a special memory. Each one is a frozen moment in our history. They are a wonderful trip down memory lane telling the story of who we are.
As I thought about our ornaments on the Christmas tree, I realized what a beautiful symbol it has become. The Christmas tree is a symbol of Christ's gift of himself to us. Its unchanging evergreen nature represents eternal life. It is a symbol of the new tree of life we have through baptism. What a beautiful thing it is to see our history on the tree of eternal life; to see our moments hanging on the branches of Christ's love; to see Christ touching and sharing each memory with us. And as we put our ornaments on the tree, we give Him our moments. We trust Him with our lives. We live for His promise of eternal life. And with His love intertwined in our past and holding onto our future, we give Him ourselves for His greater glory.
Monday, November 23, 2009
My New Shoes
I bought some new shoes recently. I haven't bought new shoes in a long while. Since becoming a stay-at-home Mom, what did I need with new shoes? Well, my old running shoes were looking pretty shabby. And somewhat falling apart. Let me just say that it has been several years since I had to give up a pair of running shoes because they were looking shabby. Usually, I had to give up a pair of running shoes because I ran in them and wore them out. Nowadays, there ain't much running in my running shoes unless I am chasing a child.
Anyhow, I bought the new shoes. I admit that I went for the sale and for looks instead of function. They felt alright in the store so I brought them home. And when I put them on the next morning, I was immediately uncomfortable in them. They didn't feel good. They held my feet with an unnaturally tight grip. They were hard to get on and off and the laces seemed too short. Since I loathe returning things more than actually shopping for them, I decided to wear them for the day. Maybe I could break them in.
So, reluctantly, I wore them. And all day I found myself dreaming of my old shoes. My old shoes were lighter. They were roomier. They conformed to my feet perfectly. The laces were easier to tie. They were everything I wanted and needed in a shoe. The new shoes just didn't live up to the old ones. The next day, I decided to put the old shoes back on. I wanted the familiar comfort on my feet. I wanted my feet to feel normal. So, I got the old shoes out of the closet and put them on. And things were different. They didn't feel as secure as I remembered them. They didn't support my foot like I thought they did. They felt worn out. They felt uncomfortable. So here I was stuck between my old shoes and my new shoes. Did I want to live with the worn out, unsecure old shoes, or did I want to take the time and energy to break in my new shoes? As I debated with my shoes, I realized that this dilemma is not new. It is an old and familiar situation I have faced in my faith life.
God has given me new shoes. When I chose to travel with him, I needed new shoes. My journey with the Lord required secure and supportive shoes which my old shoes could not provide. Of course, my new shoes were not comfortable at first. I longed for the old, familiar shoes. The shoes that fit my old life. The shoes that I traveled in for so long. But those shoes were worn. They were not worthy of my new journey. So, I put on the new shoes. I let my feet break them in. I savored the security and support they provided. And I trusted that God knew exactly what kind of shoes I needed in order to travel on His road. As I traveled in my unfamiliar shoes, I was reminded that if Christ can suffer and die for me, then the least I can do is break in some new shoes for Him. And as time wore on, the unfamiliar became familiar. They became more comfortable with each step I took. They provided for me in more ways than my old shoes ever could. And the journey God has taken me on with my new shoes has been amazing. It hasn't been easy, but amazing. And on this journey, I have learned an important lesson. When my shoes pinch, or hurt, or wear a blister on my tender feet, I should not worry because He will be there to carry me.
Anyhow, I bought the new shoes. I admit that I went for the sale and for looks instead of function. They felt alright in the store so I brought them home. And when I put them on the next morning, I was immediately uncomfortable in them. They didn't feel good. They held my feet with an unnaturally tight grip. They were hard to get on and off and the laces seemed too short. Since I loathe returning things more than actually shopping for them, I decided to wear them for the day. Maybe I could break them in.
So, reluctantly, I wore them. And all day I found myself dreaming of my old shoes. My old shoes were lighter. They were roomier. They conformed to my feet perfectly. The laces were easier to tie. They were everything I wanted and needed in a shoe. The new shoes just didn't live up to the old ones. The next day, I decided to put the old shoes back on. I wanted the familiar comfort on my feet. I wanted my feet to feel normal. So, I got the old shoes out of the closet and put them on. And things were different. They didn't feel as secure as I remembered them. They didn't support my foot like I thought they did. They felt worn out. They felt uncomfortable. So here I was stuck between my old shoes and my new shoes. Did I want to live with the worn out, unsecure old shoes, or did I want to take the time and energy to break in my new shoes? As I debated with my shoes, I realized that this dilemma is not new. It is an old and familiar situation I have faced in my faith life.
God has given me new shoes. When I chose to travel with him, I needed new shoes. My journey with the Lord required secure and supportive shoes which my old shoes could not provide. Of course, my new shoes were not comfortable at first. I longed for the old, familiar shoes. The shoes that fit my old life. The shoes that I traveled in for so long. But those shoes were worn. They were not worthy of my new journey. So, I put on the new shoes. I let my feet break them in. I savored the security and support they provided. And I trusted that God knew exactly what kind of shoes I needed in order to travel on His road. As I traveled in my unfamiliar shoes, I was reminded that if Christ can suffer and die for me, then the least I can do is break in some new shoes for Him. And as time wore on, the unfamiliar became familiar. They became more comfortable with each step I took. They provided for me in more ways than my old shoes ever could. And the journey God has taken me on with my new shoes has been amazing. It hasn't been easy, but amazing. And on this journey, I have learned an important lesson. When my shoes pinch, or hurt, or wear a blister on my tender feet, I should not worry because He will be there to carry me.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Bond of Prayer
This week in clusters, we taught our kids about prayer. And while I was preparing for the lessons, I realized how passionate I have become about prayer. I was so excited to show the kids the wonderful world of prayer. I wanted their spirits to experience the wonder and adventure God has in store for them. I wanted them to open their hearts and ears to feel and hear the Holy Spirit. I wanted God to be that much more real to them today.
Prayer is a powerful thing. It’s the Holy Spirit in action. And it’s not something that happens just when you close your eyes and utter some words. It’s an ongoing event in our daily lives. God is always there touching us with his creation. He craves the communication with us like we crave love from a parent. He whispers to us through a touch in a cool breeze. He speaks to us through the voice of a child. He looks at us through the expression of a friend. God reveals himself to us so often and so absolutely. The more we become aware of His presence, the more He is able to fill us with His spirit and speak to our hearts.
My weekly CRHP meetings have come to an end. And the big thing I miss is our prayer time. I have only known these women seven months. And we all come from different walks of life. We are all in different places in our journeys with the Lord. We all face different challenges and have different outlooks on this world. And even though we are so different, we share an unbreakable bond. We share a love none of us expected to find in one another. And I believe we have formed this bond through prayer. We shared our struggles with one another and then gave them to God in prayer. We shared our joys with one another and then rejoiced with God in prayer. We held hands, laughed, cried, danced and sang all the while in prayer. And, as we called upon Him, God poured out his love through us and into the hearts of one another creating a bond that will withstand the test of a lifetime. O, how I love to call upon the sacred heart of Jesus with my beautiful sisters.
It is my hope that my children will experience this wonderful adventure of prayer. I pray that they will hear God whisper to them in a warm breeze and that He will touch their hearts through the voice of a child. It is my prayer that they will see God's face in the expression of a friend. It is my hope that they will hold hands, laugh, cry, sing and dance while calling upon God with their brothers and sisters in Christ. And I pray that God will become that much more real to them with each day of their lives here in His beautiful creation.
Prayer is a powerful thing. It’s the Holy Spirit in action. And it’s not something that happens just when you close your eyes and utter some words. It’s an ongoing event in our daily lives. God is always there touching us with his creation. He craves the communication with us like we crave love from a parent. He whispers to us through a touch in a cool breeze. He speaks to us through the voice of a child. He looks at us through the expression of a friend. God reveals himself to us so often and so absolutely. The more we become aware of His presence, the more He is able to fill us with His spirit and speak to our hearts.
My weekly CRHP meetings have come to an end. And the big thing I miss is our prayer time. I have only known these women seven months. And we all come from different walks of life. We are all in different places in our journeys with the Lord. We all face different challenges and have different outlooks on this world. And even though we are so different, we share an unbreakable bond. We share a love none of us expected to find in one another. And I believe we have formed this bond through prayer. We shared our struggles with one another and then gave them to God in prayer. We shared our joys with one another and then rejoiced with God in prayer. We held hands, laughed, cried, danced and sang all the while in prayer. And, as we called upon Him, God poured out his love through us and into the hearts of one another creating a bond that will withstand the test of a lifetime. O, how I love to call upon the sacred heart of Jesus with my beautiful sisters.
It is my hope that my children will experience this wonderful adventure of prayer. I pray that they will hear God whisper to them in a warm breeze and that He will touch their hearts through the voice of a child. It is my prayer that they will see God's face in the expression of a friend. It is my hope that they will hold hands, laugh, cry, sing and dance while calling upon God with their brothers and sisters in Christ. And I pray that God will become that much more real to them with each day of their lives here in His beautiful creation.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Prayer- Then and Now
As a Southern Baptist kid, I learned to pray by just talking to God. We practiced the art of conversational prayer. So, that is the way I like to pray as an adult. Conversational prayer is only one of the ways Catholics engage in prayer. Some Catholics are comfortable with conversational prayer, and others prefer to use the rich collection of prayers that has developed over the last 2000 years- with the very first being the one Jesus himself taught us- The Our Father. This rich collection of prayers is fascinating to me. I love to see how others talk to God. By studying these prayers, I have gained a better understanding of how to pray and how to listen. I feel like I know my God better. These words shared by other Christians give me insight and allow God to speak to me in ways I didn't know how to ask. I can't soak up enough of these prayers.
One prayer that has had an impact on me lately is the rosary. Before I became Catholic, Gerry and I used to go to adoration for an hour in the middle of the night on Sundays. And I always prayed the rosary. Because I was so new at this whole Catholic thing, I didn't really get it. I said the words and I meant them, but I didn't feel like I was communicating well with God. After the rosary, I always fell back on my conversational prayer. Then, after a while, I didn't pray the rosary as often.
Lately, I have been drawn back to the rosary. And all of a sudden, it is such a powerful way for me to pray. I am not sure what has changed, but I am blown away by the communication I have with God during the rosary. I have been especially drawn to the sorrowful mysteries. Every time I pray through the sorrowful mysteries, I gain a deeper understanding of His passion. I see a new glimpse of the love He has for me. While in prayer, my mind will start to wander to something I need to do or fix or someone I need to talk to or pray for. Thoughts will pop into my head that either have meaning at that moment or meaning I discover at a later time. And there have been moments when I think I hear Jesus talking to me. My humanity would like to label those moments as crazy but my spirit wants to label them as real. My most vivid experiences with the rosary have been in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I am really looking forward to the end of football season so I can go to first Friday adoration, pray the rosary and listen for Jesus to whisper in my ear.
How to Pray the Rosary
One prayer that has had an impact on me lately is the rosary. Before I became Catholic, Gerry and I used to go to adoration for an hour in the middle of the night on Sundays. And I always prayed the rosary. Because I was so new at this whole Catholic thing, I didn't really get it. I said the words and I meant them, but I didn't feel like I was communicating well with God. After the rosary, I always fell back on my conversational prayer. Then, after a while, I didn't pray the rosary as often.
Lately, I have been drawn back to the rosary. And all of a sudden, it is such a powerful way for me to pray. I am not sure what has changed, but I am blown away by the communication I have with God during the rosary. I have been especially drawn to the sorrowful mysteries. Every time I pray through the sorrowful mysteries, I gain a deeper understanding of His passion. I see a new glimpse of the love He has for me. While in prayer, my mind will start to wander to something I need to do or fix or someone I need to talk to or pray for. Thoughts will pop into my head that either have meaning at that moment or meaning I discover at a later time. And there have been moments when I think I hear Jesus talking to me. My humanity would like to label those moments as crazy but my spirit wants to label them as real. My most vivid experiences with the rosary have been in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I am really looking forward to the end of football season so I can go to first Friday adoration, pray the rosary and listen for Jesus to whisper in my ear.
How to Pray the Rosary
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thought of the Day
Under the influence of fear, we bear the cross of Christ with patience. Under the more inspiring influence of hope, we carry the cross with a firm and valiant heart. But under the consuming power of love, we embrace the cross with ardor.
~St. Bernard of Clairvaux
~St. Bernard of Clairvaux
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