As a “good” Catholic mom, I should be writing a post about
the true meaning of Christmas. I should
be writing about how I am teaching my children about giving rather than
taking. I should write about spending
more time praying than shopping. I
should write about growing in faith rather than growing in debt. However, I would be misleading you. As usual, I am an anxiety-filled shell of a
woman hunkering down in her Christmas cluttered home, furiously wrapping
countless presents from another budget-busting Christmas shopping disaster
while yelling at her sugar hyped-up children as they fight over God knows
what. Yep, I’m a mess. And the fact that I am such a mess in a
season where I should be preparing for our Lord makes it that much worse.
Although I love my fellow Catholic bloggers, I cannot STAND
to read their “true meaning of Christmas” ramblings. Yes, I know the true meaning of
Christmas. I know that it is a season of
giving and finding joy and peace in that giving. I know it is a season of preparing to welcome
our Lord into this world. But, I am
convinced that these people who give us this wealth of information and Christmas
season advice either don’t have children and families or are heavily
medicated. Here, in this day and age,
Christmas has taken over EVERYTHING- from the coffee at Starbucks to the music
in the dentist’s office. And although it
is great that such a large number of people in our society celebrate this
season, Christmas has become something bigger than we can contain or
control. Christmas is that bull no
cowboy hopes to draw. All you can do is
get on and pray you make it to the 25th.
As I was driving today in the lovely holiday traffic trying
not to call the person who nearly took out my front end a word I did not want
my four year old to repeat, I was thinking about how hard it is to find balance
in this season. We are called to be in
the world but not of the world. How do
we do that during Christmas? How do I
not let the anxiety of shopping in an over-crowed mall get the best of me? How do I figure out which social events to
attend and which to pass up in favor of family time? How do I teach my kids that the exciting part
of Christmas is the arrival of Jesus and not Santa? How do I live in the Christmas season but not
be of the Christmas season? Every year,
I struggle with these questions. And
every year, I say, I’m going to do A, B and C next year. But, guess what! It rarely happens. There are so many factors I cannot control. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time in
the day, money in the bank and patience in my being. The world’s Christmas gets the best of me
every year and reading about how everyone else has it all figured out makes my
inabilities that much more depressing.
But I have to remember that feeling when Christmas finally
arrives. I can finally get off the bull
and dust myself off. I've made it. We open the champagne and give the kids their
presents, which assure us some peace and quiet for at least the rest of the morning. And in that time, I can finally relax. There are no more presents to wrap. There are no more Christmas programs to plan
or attend. There are no more cards to
send out. There are no more cookies to
bake. All that is left to do is go to
Mass and be with our Lord. And that is
grand.
But on a day like today (one where I worked a full and
challenging day and then braved the holiday crowds with my spoiled, cranky
children), all I want to do is spend the next 24 hours in the total silence of the
adoration chapel. And while I am in
there listening to the sweet nothings He whispers to my heart, I want time to
stop. And elves to address and mail my Christmas
cards, decorate the outside of my house, finish my shopping under budget, wrap
all the presents, bake the Christmas cookies, clean my house and make a week’s
worth of meals. They can also do all the
things I forgot to put on this list because my brain is Christmas-fried. Now, that would be REALLY grand.
